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RAGER

by Encourager

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Includes unlimited streaming of RAGER via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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    So you think you're getting some audio files and that's it? Nope. You're also getting a PDF booklet with hot pictures and all the lyrics you can handle.
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1.
Drunk fights, screaming matches, tell your friends you’ll kick all their asses. You took a shit on someone’s mattress. Broken bones, slashed tires, throwing rocks at passers by, and you set the neighbor’s lawn on fire. Now you’re cast out, reviled, too trashed, too volatile, they say, “Just stay at home. Do us all a favor.” “Well, that’s fine. You can keep it. Don’t call, I don’t need it. But if you’re gonna call, you can call me the Rager.”
2.
It’s like you wanna be a creep. It’s like a dirty little secret you share with everyone you meet. It’s like a creature, creeping, scratching up and out between your teeth. Between your teeth. Between your teeth. Your rotting teeth. Black tongue, black eyes, black heart, black spine. When you’re around, I wanna run, I wanna flee, I wanna hide. Not just negative, you’re positively ruining my life. You’re a nightmare spewing garbage and I wish that you would… Politicians taking bribes, dining with demagogues and crooked cops discussing all their crimes. When you walk in the room they whisper wishes to their wilting wives. They grab a glass and raise it high. They raise ‘em high. They hold ‘em high. Black tongue, black eyes, black heart, black spine. When you’re around, I wanna run, I wanna flee, I wanna hide. Not just negative, you’re positively ruining my life. You’re a nightmare puking garbage and I wish that you would… I never said that it was okay. Okay. But I never called you out and that’s on me. Now my conscience makes my heart pay. Okay. And you're still getting everything for free.
3.
“You take the wheel, I'll check the map.” Okay, I think that we’re on track. I’m never quite sure where we’re at. Exits streaking past the window glass. I use the signals as we pass. “How long is this trip gonna last?” “Until we both run out of gas.” And my mouth’s a graveyard. And my brain is a broken wreck. And my body is my body is my body is a melted candle, I can’t forget. And I can’t get over. And my fear keeps my heart in check. And my body is my body is my body is a stranger. Mile markers pile up behind. I close my eyes, pretend I’m blind and drift off to the other side. “Is this a dream, am I alive?” And my mouth’s a graveyard. And my brain is a broken wreck. And my body is my body is my body is a melted candle, I can’t forget. And I can’t get over. And my fear keeps my heart in check. And my body is my body is my body is a stranger I haven’t met. You can’t be wrong a hundred percent of the time, but I can try. Get out alive a hundred percent of the time until you die. Everything is a mistake. Everything was a mistake.
4.
I dreamed you were a great open sea. On your south shore waves crashed into me. Rise and swell, you’re fully engulfing. Should I resist or just let it pull me? Am I like driftwood? Am I like an anchor? If I drown in a dream will I ever wake up again? Take me under, let go. No light, no air, let go. I don't want to let go. Take a breath, my breath is leaving me. Sand is slipping, slipping under my feet. I’m collapsing, lapsing into the sea. Sinking slowly, slowly into the deep. Take me under, let go. No light, no air, let go. Last dream, breathe deep, let's go.
5.
You told me that you’re not the kind to pack up and leave. You promised like a sailor staring out at the sea. Why would I doubt you when you tried so hard to make me believe? I never really thought you would. I never really thought you would. You said that you would only do what’s best in the end. I never thought to think about what that might have meant. I guess a word is only worth what you are willing to spend. I never really thought you would. But then you did. I never even thought you could. But just like magic and it’s over, magic and you’re gone. And I’m still here. You pulled it off. Was the illusion made for you or me? It doesn’t matter if it’s over, matter if you’re gone. And for your next trick will you make everything whole again? And for your next trick will you make everything whole again? And for your next trick, and for the next trick, and for your next trick, and for the next trick…
6.
I took the 32 to drink with you, the Easter sunset scraped the floor. Took a deep breath, walked through that door. And it’s 3 years since a drunken kiss outside an empty storefront changed to 3 years older and nothing gained but a hole, a snare I set for myself, lured by lies laid like “she wants to change.” And I don't regret everything, but I know if I regret just one thing it’s taking the Metro on Easter Day.
7.
It’s not your time to go, suspended from the sky. They found a body buried in the snow just three days ago, no number name or home. No home. Six inches below these icy streets and roads, exhaled and just let go alone. I asked the sky to open and I’m still waiting, hoping for a sign. “Tell me why and where do we go?” If this is what we’re given, I’m happy that you’re living, Your time is mine, and we’re good to go. We’re good to go. We’re good to go. We’re good to go. I can’t walk backward down this line. I can’t walk backward down this line. I wouldn’t even wanna try, to try. When it’s time to leave, please let December freeze bury itself in me, in me. I’ll walk out toward the trees, numbing by degrees until I fall asleep, asleep. I asked the sky to open and I’m still waiting, hoping for a sign. “Tell me why and where do we go?” If this is what we’re given, I’m happy that you’re living, Your time is mine, and we’re good to go. We’re good to go. We’re good to go. We’re good to go. I can’t walk backward down this line. I can’t walk backward down this line. I wouldn’t even wanna try, to try. When you leave your body, will you rise, suspended from the sky and watch the world? My body, your body, invisible to a million open eyes, we’ll watch the world. I’ll find you, your body, and we can hide away for all of time and watch the world. If you’re first to leave, to leave, to leave, please wait for me above the trees, the trees.
8.
His words had too many spaces, so they brick-filled in the blanks. Too free in too many places, so they brought in the tanks. She wanted all that she earned, so they made up new reasons. Too expensive to help him learn, so they bought a new prison. What do you have to say for you? What are you gonna say? It’s not a lot, it’s not a lot. These privileged hands, they’re all I’ve got. You can take the hit or you can take a shot. Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! It's not enough and it's not a lot, but I’ll bring to bear what I have brought. You can say you watched or you can say you fought. Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! Eyes closed, I was nightmare. I’m a beast without a cage. Face like a hideous devil. And the people rose in rage. I was so disgusting, my skin was so offensive, I was human by relation, I was monster to the grave. When I awoke, the dream just continued but the monster had changed.What do you have to say for you? What are you gonna say? It’s not a lot, it’s not a lot. These privileged hands, they’re all I’ve got. You can take the hit or you can take a shot. Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! It's not enough and it's not a lot, but I’ll bring to bear what I have brought. You can say you watched or you can say you fought. Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! Ready? Okay! Ready, ready? Okay! Ready ready ready ready? Okay! Okay! What do you have to say for you?
9.
I'm getting weirder as I get older. I’m not the person I expected, but I wouldn’t choose another. I made a few friends and I felt love once. I sang along to songs I knew by heart and that’s all I could have wanted. Just tell me how long til it’s over. It can’t stay good forever, like weather. A race begins so it can finish, goes back to the beginning by ending. Cover your eyes and stand beside me. Imagine me a memory disappearing. We’ll point the hands of every wall clock to the time when this will all stop and It all stops. This place in time will crack and fade, touched by that bastard called Decay. Why do our foolish half-hearts yearn and burn and ache? Worthless machines built just to break. An open space carved out in time, a little time. An empty page to claim as mine, yours and mine. Barely a dot along this line, we’re on the longest line. When I look back, just want more good than bad, I didn’t waste my thyme. This place in time will crack and fade, touched by that bastard called Decay. Why do our foolish half-hearts yearn and burn and ache? Worthless machine built just to break. In 5, 10, 15, 20 years, am I alive, are we still here? And is there anybody else or did they blow themselves to hell? If you and I have made it through, at least I’m miserable with you. This messed up place that we call Earth, a bombed out burned down piece of dirt. We’ll climb the towers made of trash. We’ll stand up tall, covered with ash. We’ll yell our triumph at the sky, “You didn’t win! we survived!” If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, oh if I make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, you know I wanna make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. All that I want is to just know how does it end? All that I want is just to know how does it end? How does it end? If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. If I make it, you know I wanna make it with you. And if I make it, I wanna make it. All that I want is to just know how does it end? All that I want is to just know when will it end?
10.
Map of the streets in my hometown, found your address and wrote it down. Knocked on your door at 6pm. The sun was orange and paper thin. Told me you died 6 months ago. “We thought you’d know.” Turn the radio on and play some Christian rock. Turn the stereo up and break the buttons off. I don’t believe in anything, and this is all I’ve got. So turn the radio on and play some Christian rock. Drove to the school where we first met. Streetlights above weren’t humming yet. Kicked rocks for hours in the cold. Counted desks through the windows. Turn the radio on and play some Christian rock. Turn the stereo up and break the buttons off. I don’t believe in anything, and this is all I’ve got. So turn the radio on and play some Christian rock. Don’t say you never feel alone. I know that I’m not the only one. Just once I just want my friends to live forever. Just once I just want my friends to live forever. You and me, we were inseparable. We went everywhere, we did everything, our bond was indestructible. But sunset skies don’t stay gold, the Midwest summer days turn into cold, small town kids live forever until they grow up, move away, and get old. Phone calls and letters and emails and visits, plans quickly made and canceled last minute. Well, l I wanna see you again and I’m not sure how or when. I got out my Bible, found your address, and wrote it in pen. And I prayed and I prayed. I tore my clothes and I fasted for days. And I hope we’re both working from the same set of directions, ‘cause I don’t wanna be the only asshole in heaven.
11.
If you want it, you got it. I would say these things to you even when I cannot deliver. If you want it, you got it. I would mean it every day. When I’m gone I hope you remember. I left a trail of words between the endless void of time and me. I hope you heard the ones I mean so you can see me better. Between first light and your last breath. Maybe there’s love, maybe there’s death. I can’t protect you, so instead I want to know you better. If I had you. If you want it, you got it. I would say these things to you even when I cannot deliver. If you want it, you got it. I would mean it every day. When I’m gone I hope you remember. If I had you, then could I be a better version of this me, the thing that you needed to see? Could I make myself better? If I had you, would it be fair? Would you be too naive to care? This world is hateful and unfair, but could I make it better? If I had you, maybe you would make everyone feel understood, become the one that makes life good, and makes this whole place better. If I had you, then could I be a better version of this me, the thing that you needed to see? Could I make myself better? If I had you, maybe you would make everyone feel understood, become the one that makes life good, and makes this whole place better. If I had you. Those dirty hands will drag you down and tear your clothes. I won’t be around to walk you home. These monsters rip your flesh and strip you to the bone. Are you better having never known? If you can tell me, is the comfort worth the cold? Is the path worth walking? Let me know.
12.
Gotta get out. Gotta escape. I gotta go. Don’t ask for more than you’re getting now. Stuck in a space. I’m better off on my own. This is the count. These are the stakes. How could I know? Said I wanted this, but I have my doubts. It’s a mistake. I’m striking out all alone. I want you to want me. Don't need you, but I need out. It’s over and over. I’m out.

credits

released May 13, 2017

Encourager is:
Brian Farnsworth - guitar
Nathan McMillan - guitar
Nathan Burkhart - bass
Chad Allen - drums
Christopher Thomas - drums and vocals

Recorded by Nathan McMillan and Produced by Encourager at Last Pine Studio, Shoreline, WA
Layout and design by Christopher Thomas
Big wooden letters lovingly crafted by Nathan McMillan and Brian Farnsworth
Photography by Sam Allen: samallenphoto.com
Fire safety technician and voice of reason: Alex Salerno

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Encourager Seattle, Washington

5 dudes making music for the kids.

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